Excerpts from a spam I just received:

With our new Viagra Soft Tabs you will be able to open a bottle of beer with your penis.

If you value qua]ity in sex, try our $oft Cia]is Tabs.
F0r your wife’s last b-day you gave her a vibrator because of your hopeless Erectile Dysfunction.
By taking our new Soft Cialis Tabs you are bound to
give her the best sex ever instead of miserable “battery dick”.

You tr1ed everything to fight away the Erectile Dysfunction: the best porno $ites, the m0st exotic movie$, hot playboys,
sex on the phone and even the most expensive prostitutes.

With our Soft Cialis Tabs you will be able to chop the wood with your dick.(Warning: don’t try it).
You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue.

For the record, I would like to state that billiards, wood-chopping, and beer-opening do not figure in any of my genital-related activities.

And, if I ever start a band, I want to call it Miserable Battery Dick.