The results of the 2003 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest are in! The B-LFC is a contest to compose the worst possible opening sentence for a hypothetical novel.

The winning entry, by Marianne Sims of Wetumpka, AL (incidentally, the hometown of Liz from Gawker):

They had but one last remaining night together, so they embraced each other as tightly as that two-flavor entwined string cheese that is orange and yellowish-white, the orange probably being a bland Cheddar and the white . . . Mozzarella, although it could possibly be Provolone or just plain American, as it really doesn't taste distinctly dissimilar from the orange, yet they would have you believe it does by coloring it differently.

More winning entries and (dis)honorable mentions here.