I see (in BoingBoing, where I get all my links) that Target is jumping on the ultra-trendy Kabbalah bandwagon. On their website, they're selling six feet of red string for $25.99. It purportedly is a "centuries-old spiritual tool" that blocks the evil eye:

What makes this particular piece of string so special is, in part, the fact that it has traveled to Israel, to the ancient tomb of Rachel the Matriarch, and returned, imbued with the essence of protection. The string is tied to the left wrist—the left being the body and soul's receiving side—and worn to essentially deflect the negative energy brought forth by unfriendly and envious stares, unkind glances and looks of ill will. A feeling we've all experienced, the evil eye is considered by Kabbalah to be a powerful force and an influential factor in regards to achieving goals and everyday well-being. The string draws upon the connection to and awareness of Rachel and must be tied on by a loved one and sealed with Rachel's protective energy by reciting the Ben Porat prayer (included on a card).

It turns out that Target invites users to submit reviews of their products. This was simply too good an opportunity to pass up. Here's the review I just submitted:

Red String Brings Wealth And Happiness -- Five Stars!

by Vidiot

This red string is wonderful. At first, I thought it was an ordinary red string, the kind that only costs pennies for several hundred feet. But then I found that it was special. How could I tell? Because it costs $26 for six feet. If it costs more, it MUST be worth more, right? Because it's been to Israel! And it's been imbued with the essence of protection in the tomb of Rachel the Matriarch!

The best part about this string is that it's brought me wealth and serenity...not just because I wear one, but because it inspired me to go to the garment district, get several hundred feet of red yarn, and now I sell it for over four bucks a foot to gullible trend-followers! I just tell them that it's been to England, where Esther lives with her husband Guy and her children Lourdes and Rocco. It's also been to Detroit, where Esther was born (albeit under a different name.) It's been imbued with the sacred philosophy:
We all live in a material world/And I am a material girl.

My newfound wealth has brought me true serenity indeed.

Let's see if they post it.

Comments

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sacrilicious!